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It’s not you it’s me


Those famous last words, the worst cliché but sometimes the only reason. Usually in breakups you can feel those words bubbling to the surface. Your stomach in your throat, when there is no logical explanation than to say, “it’s not you it’s me.” What leads to break ups? Loss of love, change, cheating, found someone else, even just the failure to face the present reality and leave. Break ups are tricky; by tricky I also mean devastating. I find it odd how we can sit with someone and love every inch of their soul and in the next breath hate their stinkin’ guts. It’s unnerving how we have the power to shatter someone’s world in one sentence, even in a couple words. Have you ever felt the crippling emotional pain of a break up? Your thoughts go in circles and you talk yourself into what feels like a black hole. Break ups almost feel like your caught in an avalanche; you can’t see which way is up or down, left or right and most often we are extremely selfish. Because at the end of any breakup if you are the one that’s initiating it you ask yourself, “what do you want.” Never do we ask the other what they want.

Often I think of CrossFit as the best relationship I’ve had and sometimes I can think it’s the worst. CrossFit is all consuming if you let it, it can come into your world and touch every aspect of your life. What you talk about [obviously], what you eat, who you surround yourself with, CrossFit can turn into your whole world. CrossFit hurts, it leaves you breathless, it can most definitely make you cry and make you rethink every decision you’ve made. However on the other hand, CrossFit is always there when you need it, it’s uplifting; it can feed your soul and allow you to create and build a world you may never known existed.

I think we all have gotten to a point within relationships where we feel disconnected and the luster has gone dull. Can we possibly be satisfied with one person or one thing for all eternity? Do all good things truly come to an end? I believe in monogamy, I’m a fairly loyal person, but the thoughts of always searching for something else can weigh heavy on my mind. Perhaps its because I’ve dealt with infidelity in previous relationships that I can’t help but wonder if we can be committed to one thing, one person through and through. Have you ever gotten to points in CrossFit when you and it aren’t jiving, “we’re going through a rough patch” and are not getting along? I can remember a couple weeks ago after every WOD I was on the floor. I physically felt I couldn’t hold myself up after a WOD and needed to be on my back. I thought to myself these workouts are killing me, emotionally draining and made me need to take a nap around 4pm when I got home from work every day. I thought why is this happening? Plateauing? Poor diet/lifestyle? What is going on?!?! And then I thought about relationships and how there are constant peaks and valleys, monumental fights and ultimate highs. Have you ever been so mad at someone you could feel your skin crawl and it’s as if you eye balls were about to pop out of your face? Yes you have! How do we get over lows? Talk it out, write it out, work it out and fight for what you want. It comes down to looking internally into your soul and asking yourself, “what do you want?”

I think we get to those points where we just don’t have it in us to fight. I used to say during arguments in past relationships, “you win”, immediately wave the white flag, throw my hands up and surrender and I would stop fighting for things I wanted; it became too much. Its all consuming to be drowning in something you don’t want or what you can’t have. It’s an amazing feeling, though, either when someone fights for you or when you put your all in for what you want. It’s just as the saying goes; all things worth having are worth fighting for. Maybe then it comes down figuring out what the worth of any relationship is to you. In the end what’s it all worth?

Life is made up of decisions and choices. If you come into the box thinking this workout is going to suck, it will most definitely suck. If you decide to attack it and make a conscious decision to go after what you want things will unravel differently. For what it’s worth its in the darkness we find light, you just have to be willing to feel around for the light switch.

“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” Benjamin Button

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