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I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.


The worst phrase growing up was always, “I’m not mad I’m disappointed.” When we’re disappointed it means someone let us down, our expectations were popped like a balloon and a cloud of dismay fogs our perspective. We look at things differently when we’re let down. When we’re disappointed we re-consider who we have around us, why they’re there and why we do the things we do. We come up with answers to questions that shouldn’t have been asked at all. I hate feeling disappointed. To me it’s because I wanted more from someone or even something. I always give people the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn’t of. I seek to believe the good and disregard the bad. How naive of me right? Wrong. I refuse in this life to apologize for wanting more from someone and believing in the end every one of us is good or can be good even for a split second.

I always get stuck when I feel disappointed. Usually there’s nothing we can do but accept the cards we’ve been handed and continue on. Or do we pursue a different path? Despite the fact we’ve been let down we can always control how we react. In any given situation you have a choice. Choosing how you handle a situation can impact the rest of your days. Make good choices; have no bad days. Even with this whole Battle of Alberta competition being cancelled this weekend I get the disappointment. However, no one can take away your training. No one can take away the time, definitely the sweat [not that anyone take that back anyways] or your dedication. Your saga continues. Don’t give in to the disappointment. I want to take a second to congratulate the competitors of Battle of Alberta. Your commitment is one to be showcased and envied. You now have a glimpse of what you’re capable of; this is a fraction of what you initially thought you had in you. I know you wanted to throw down this weekend and have your hard work shown on the battlefield but you need to take a second to pat yourself on the back. Look to the person who’s been training next to you and give them a friggen hug, they’ve been in the trenches with you. Take a moment to reflect, be selfish and take pride in your accomplishments [thus far]. I remember the night before I competed in Battle in the Barracks, my first competition, and I was obviously proud that I trained my ass off and at least gave my best shot at trying to tone down the alcohol intake. But I was proud that I set my sights on something and I did it. Your sights have just been set to September. You’ll get there and the moment will be even sweeter, because by then think of how badass you all will be. Don’t give in to the disappointment.

There’s always going to be times when we’re disappointed, that’s life. Martin Luther King said once we must accept finite disappointment but never loose infinite hope. Finite disappointment, therefore we only have to accept a limited amount of it. I guess disappointment has the ability to seep through the cracks even when we’re not looking. I still wonder how I can overcome disappointment. I also still wonder how I can never get my heart broken again but that never ceases to amaze me. I love the line in Pretty Woman when Richard Geer says to Julia Roberts that very few people surprise him, and her response to him is that he’s lucky, because most of them shock the hell out of her. Maybe that’s the key always be on the look out, never be surprised or blindsided that something you never expected to happen can in fact happen. We can only control the things we, ourselves, do and how we react to situations that reveal themselves around us. Expect the unexpected and prepare for the worst…that sounds like a lot of work. I will leave you with this last thought; maybe we should be like water. Water is very versatile; it can be a solid, a liquid or even evaporate into the atmosphere [it always has the ability to change]. Water can form into any shape, mold to any surface, be used for comfort, nourishment or for play. If we act like water we can adjust to any situation, we can catch and release ourselves from momentary disappointment and move on. If we’re more like water we can even withdrawal ourselves from sadness and evaporate into thin air away from it all and continue with different pursuits. To me, there might be no better sound than water. Especially hearing it rolling in off the waves on to the beach drowning the sand. Or at my cottage when you can hear the water tickling the dock. Water, the way it ebbs the way it flows. Maybe that’s the answer to it all, be able to bob and weave, ebb and flow because life keeps coming even if we’re disappointed.

Before I go I need to take second to give a personal shout out to my dear friends Carly Duke and Rochelle Siddall. I met these two while I was working at Spa Lady. Carly was actually one of my clients. For the record everyone deserves personal shout outs but it’s because I’ve seen their entire journey that I feel the need to tell them how unbelievably proud of them I am. Carly and Rochelle you have both picked me up when I’ve been blue, you are both forces to be reckoned with and I’m always jealous you can manage to make it to Sunday wods [for reasons I won’t discuss I don’t move too far on Sunday mornings]. I’m so happy I convinced you both to follow me to CFAA because your pursuits with CrossFit have been undeniably amazing. To be honest your passion and attitudes to better yourselves and ignite a fire within your souls moves me and brings me to tears. I cannot wait to watch you two compete, along with everyone else.

This is your moment animals, wait 2 months and take it.


“And in that moment I swear we were infinite.” Stephen Chbosky

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